A Mind of its Own.

Well I wrote a song that I dubbed, "A mind of its Own."
I've been listening to a lot of emotional songs lately, and I wanted to write another emotional song to add to the list of other emotional songs that I've written over the years. I'm pretty sure if you know me well enough, you'll know what it's all about. If you don't, that's great! :)


A MIND OF ITS OWN

Verse ONE:
I’m heavyhearted and remorseful
That I’m starting to feel like this
It’s foolish, so point and laugh
As I declare my love and I completely miss
Tension and awkwardness fills the situation
Ridiculed now for my declaration
Flattery you feel; clichés you have spoken
Stop please. My heart, it’s broken.

Pre-CHORUS:
So does my world stop spinning now?
May it unfold and crumble down?
Will it consume and impale me now?

CHORUS:
I’m sorry my dear friend
The heart has a mind of its own.
It’s deceived me once again
I got to face this, all on my own.

Verse TWO:
Strangers and distancing seems ideal
Poetic justice, played out so beautifully
I’m hurt by you, but I smile still
How is that possible, tell me?
Ashes to dust, I try to rise
But positivity flows down the drain
Goodbye heart beats, listen as it dies
Don’t worry; I’m immune to the pain.

Pre-Chorus:
So does my world stop spinning now?
May it unfold and crumble down?
Will it consume and impale me now?

CHORUS:
I’m sorry my dear friend
The heart has a mind of its own.
It’s deceived me once again
I got to face this, all on my own.

Bridge:
Overwhelmed with deep emotions
Empty are the deepest oceans
Beauty never ever did exist
Have feelings turned this into a war?
What’s the very cause of this?
Stop now, I don't care.
Bring it back to how it was before

CHORUS:
I’m sorry my dear friend
The heart has a mind of its own.
It’s deceived me once again
I got to face this, all on my own.

Pre-Chorus:
So does my world stop spinning now?
May it unfold and crumble down?
Will it consume and impale me now?

CHORUS:
I’m sorry my dear friend
The heart has a mind of its own.
It’s deceived me once again
I got to face this, all on my own.


ENJOY!
SANITY OUT!

Writer's Write. My Passion. My Dream.

Tomorrow's my 3rd week at school. I've been learning a lot in my new short course for Creative Writing. Looking into different techniques and styles of other writers and I've also been learning about common mistakes that writers tend to make.
I've found in my group that my goals are very farfetched compared to everyone elses and I feel my intellect and maturity doesn't meet their standards.
It's become disheartening for me as a matter of fact. It's making me feel as if I shouldn't even be there every night on a Wednesday.
Everyone in that group basically wants to write a children's book, a cooking book, a novel of some genre and whereas I want to create a TV series.
I love TV shows, movies and film altogether. I'm the one who actually analyses everything whilst enjoying what I watch. Which may make me quite weird to a handful of people. I look into storylines, dialogue and how it's been put together. The great thing about it is, it gives me ideas for when I write my stories. But on the other hand, well I think anyway, it's added strongly onto my traits of being opinionated and judgmental.
For the last couple of days all I've really been doing in my spare time is nothing but writing, writing and writing. I've been working on songwriting, scriptwriting, storywriting and poetry to try and improve my skills. In the last two classes at CAE, it has been concreted deep within me that, I'm not the best writer. I don't have a large vocabulary base, but I love writing and I have a passion for it. I believe a writer writes. It's their foundation. It's the representation and illstration in their minds, being transferred and written down on paper. As long as I'm aware of that, I will keep writing until the day I must be buried six feet under.

Anyway, that's my two bob in for the week about my life.
Wanted to continue more about my favourite TV shows, I love and that I'm watching at the moment. These shows are the reasons why I wanted to become a TV series creator. Anyway here is my top TV shows.

LOST: I cannot wait until the last season of this series. I have watched it from day one and I'm absolutely addicted. It's confusing for a lot of people and they get turned off by that for they want something simple-minded and easy to follow and that's obviously understandable and normal, but to me, that's the reason I love LOST. For it's complex and mind blowing storylines, actions and twists. This show was very close to my heart just as much as Prison Break was.

Californication: You may think I'm perverted, and it might be true. But I love this show for it's humour and honesty. It's rebellious. And I'm talking about how the show is run and that it's a show that delivers the nitty gritty things that most people would feel very uncomfortable and offended by. It's a masterpiece, props Tom Kapinos (Creator of Californication) you're an absolute genius.

One Tree Hill: At the moment they're in their 7th season and I'm actually getting bored but I can't forget the wonderfully and beautifully made season 1, 3 and 4. Mark Schwahn made you fall in love with the characters he created and he made you feel something in your heart for them. They started to make you feel like they are normal people and you wanted to be their friends and know them personally. Now I'm in love with Kate Voegele, Sophia Bush and Hilarie Burton, all thanks to One Tree Hill. Rated just under this show would have to be the OC as well until Mischa Barton and co-creators Josh Scwartz and Stephanie Savage killed it, even Gossip Girl is starting to suck right now. But I miss Summer Roberts?

How I Met Your Mother: I know a whole lot of people who can't stand How I Met Your Mother. They want the story to unfold, they want to start getting clues at very least even, on who Ted's wife is going to be. I don't, keep it going the way it is. I don't want this series to end, it's so fun and entertaining and I've fallen in love with these characters. Coby Smulders, you are a delightful, elegant lady. And the creator of How I Met Your Mother Carter Bay is a great writer. If you can gather an audience by only showing nibbles of a storyline for over five seasons and still keep viewers and fans entertained, to me that's brilliant.

Heroes: Yeah I know. WOW! Someone out there actually still loves Heroes. Well you know what, watch volume 5, you might actually be surprised! It's not Season 1 standard just yet but it's getting there and I'm actually enjoying it. Hayden and Madeleine Zima kiss each other. Uh huh, believe it, it's great. Creator of Heroes, Tim Kring, has fought so hard and for so long. He's probably had to hear the most harshes of words by fans and critics, but he just continues going on with this show. That's true bravery and a pinch of soul and a never give up attitude. Someone worth looking up to, in my eyes.

So yeah these are the writers I look up to and the shows I love and even if it is just a short course, hopefully these Creative Writing classes can continue to keep me running that race of one day living out my dream.

Believe That Dreams Come True Everyday

So anyone out there gazing into their TV screens every Sunday night at 7:30pm watching Australian Idol? Well I do. For some, no one really cares about Australian Idol anymore. Probably the last time they did was when Guy Sebastian won the crown of Australian Idol in it's first year. I love Australian Idol, because I'm a singer and because I love seeing people live out their dream. It melts my heart and it brings me into overwhelming emotions. There's three people I want to win Australian Idol this year and that's Kim, Hayley and Stan. I just think they're amazing. I watch them living out my dream, using the stage they are given by Australian Idol and using the voice they've been given by God and entertaining people and making them feel something. I went to audition for Australian Idol back in 2007. I waited for 7 hours to audition in Melbourne at Rod Laver Arena. I remember hanging with a high school friend and her friends, practicing what I was going to sing in front of them and they adored me. My time to audition had finally come and I went inside that room with three old ladies gazing at me and I came in with guns blazing, with my heart and dream on my sleeves as fear and nerves struck me but I used it. They were going to give it to me but they said No. And my high school friends' friends, who thought I would have gotten in were disappointed and they turned away from me. A girl wanted my autograph before the audition when I didn't get in she didn't want it anymore. It's something that sticks out to me in my life. But I continue singing at church and I practice writing my own songs at home. It was always a dream of mine to sing and sing the songs I wrote and to play the songs I wrote. I feel like I ruined it by smoking and my voice could have been better, if I never did.
I also wanted to be a cartoonist, a pastor and a professional wrestler. But these things that I wanted to do when I was a child has changed and the only thing that sticks is that dream to be a recording artist.

But life causes your dreams and ambitions to change. In Year 9, I decided I wanted to show the world my life. I wanted to show the world what I've been through and for them to notice me. I wanted to express myself by showing what my mind thinks and what my heart feels and what my soul reaps. I started to write poetry and raps and that's exactly how I got into expressing myself. I felt like songwriting was great and I loved poetry and rap. I loved the creativity, I loved the freedom of expression and emotions, it caught me and grabbed my attention, this was leading into something I wanted to do. I started to write stories about violence, love and havoc and mayhem, about drugs, alcohol and sex and music. I watched movies and TV Shows and enjoy them but I also listen into dialogue and I also look closely at how they put the story together because everything intrigues me about film. TV Shows that made me want to write even more were The OC, Californication and One Tree Hill and I loved Prison Break, CSI, Dexter and LOST. When I thought about these TV Shows that I adored and loved, I wanted to write my own and combine these altogether to create something that I could print my name on. That's when I wanted to create a TV series. It was a big dream but I wanted it real bad. I love singing, I'd love to preach one day, I love wrestling and drawing, but writing, if I became a writer and got to be a creator of a TV series, it would be an absolute dream come true. As some of you may know, ever since I stopped going to school I've been writing a story called 'When Two World's Collide' and I'm on my 9th draft. I've always changed it and thought about what would work together and tried to get ideas from my favourite TV shows to see what worked, what didn't, what was too predictable, why these were so great, I started to think like a creator or a TV series. People continued to tell me to go to school and make it happen. They told me to gather more skills and develop my writing ability. I needed to make the dream happen.

Well the dream begins on October 7th, 2009 at 6pm. I'll be beginning with a short course in Creative Writing. It's small, but hell, it's a start. As I think about it, it can get me there one day. Every dream starts off small and short and every day that passes brings you one day closer to that dream. That's why they say 'Believe that dreams come true everyday.' Because I'm going to be living it now. I'm not saying that I've made it, I'm saying that it's begun and I'm going to work my arse off to get it because I've wanted an opportunity to climb the ladder to becoming a TV series writer/creator for a long time. Sometimes a man just needs a break, sometimes a man needs a goal, sometimes a man needs to feel happiness. I've been through hell and walked through it many times, I need to know that there's a world of happiness and joy.

Believe that dreams come true everyday ... because they do.

Psalms 37:4

One of my latest blog posts was put into story form which was a hidden metaphor for how my emotions were of how my life was at that time. It's sort of how I've been living my life as of late. Living in metaphors, ignoring and avoiding and beating around the bush. I think lately, I've crawled into a familiar shell that once made me feel comfortable. So many emotions have been bottled up for a while now that a bomb has been planted inside of me. I've been feeling stressed, lost, confused, irritated, lonely, bland, lazy and as funny as it seems unattractive.
I've become fairly emotional once again when I thought I was fighting through it, but that was a long time ago. Just to give you an insight of how my life is at the moment, I have to pay money that I can't pay myself for I don't have a stable job, but today I was handing in resumes. It's been a whole lot of thinking lately back and forth, positive to negative, right to wrong, evil to good and what people will think about me most especially. To be honest, I see people with great looks, their ability to drive a vehicle, people who can just spend and spend until their hearts content, people who can hold someone close and have someone call them at the end of a stressful day and say "I missed you", I see people who have meaning in their life that have a role in this world and people who can say "God is so evident in my life". This year, I've been pushed back and stuck in quicksand. It's been three years since I've been in a classroom and my biggest desire right now for next year is to be the year that I first step into a classroom to begin TAFE or university. My Christmas present for this year, I'd be happy to know that I paid everything off to everyone and to the fines and that I can have money to myself for a while. By 2010, I want to be fully devoted to God once more and by 2011, I want to be a non smoker. Really a girlfriend isn't what I want and I know it's not what I need. What I need is to change myself and find redemption through God, my family and my friends. I want to know life without being drunk or tipsy, I want to know how life feels with healthy lungs, I want to know how life is when your heart beats really fast and I want to know how it feels when your soul has been touched spiritually and I want to know how it feels when your mind is at ease and to be problem free. Once upon a time I have felt these things before, so I believe I can feel those things again. When I look back on 2009, I look back at a young girl vs. my family, alcohol problems, two sprained ankles and a car accident. I know my family is more important than any girl in this world. I know two sprained or fractured ankles can't put me down for I still stand up and walk. I know that this car accident has piled on a lot of negativity in me and more problems to be solved, but I survived it for redemption, so I can learn and be stronger and better than I was before. But why does it still affect me? Everyday, I need to see people with the freedom that I long for, everyday, I have to live with the fact that I nearly killed myself and someone else and that it's another way that I've disgraced myself and my family. But they say, "It's to those people and you that think that way. Just know God has already forgotten about it." Twenty Two Years Old, is how old I'll be when I'm on the road again, 20 months to go. But they say, "We don't need to worry about the next day for it's in God's hands we just need to believe it. It's the excuses and why that happened, they don't become just questions anymore, they become questions and problems, but they become questions and problems that God and you will work out and answer."

We can't have these things given to us on a silver plater we need to go out there and grab it. To look attractive - we need to exercise and eat right, to have the ability to drive a vehicle - we need to wait and learn from our mistakes, to spend and to have money - we need to have jobs and work, to have a girlfriend - we need to wait in line and wait for God's time.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4). Perhaps then I'll find God being evident in my life. I'm alive, I have a family, I have friends, I'm learning and I have a will to change and be better every time, God is already evident after all. But I know what I need to do. Step One: Talk to God, Pray, do your Devotions and read the Bible, Step Two: Keep doing that and practice it and wait, watch and listen for God to speak to you. Step Three: Continue Step One and Two, excercise and keep handing out resumes until a job accepts you and that's a start.

Happy Father's Day

I understand that Father's Day was yesterday but I wanted to write something about my father here on Earth. During Sunday school, my group was writing a song to their dads, they needed to pull out four lines and I couldn't even achieve that. I've never been good at expressing myself with songs. For me, it's hard when you're limited. I love to write for it's freeing nature. But enough about that.
If you know me, I'm here to tell you that you know my dad already then. Not by his appearence but what personality traits he has. To my knowledge and belief, my dad is the strongest person I know, the things that he has had to go through growing up is overwhelming. He loves to laugh but he fails in making other people laugh sometimes with his lame jokes. He gives out advice to the best of his knowledge and ability and he sees potential in people. He has a big heart to match all these things, he loves to give and give even if it means he has to work harder to get that money or to work harder and take out his time. He has a mind of a story teller, he's a deep thinker and a very deep man. He has an intelligence that I obviously didn't inherit though my older sister did. He is patient but just like me, when you've ticked him off enough, he'll unleash hell worse than Undertaker and Stone Cold Steve Austin could ever have put together. Don't get on his bad side, it's the worse feeling, it's the words he wraps in your mind that will kill you inside. He's a leader and he knows how to be, he's a survivor and he'll last until the very end. He can't sing or dance and I think my older brother inherited that. But the positive things that do count, makes him who he is and if you're reading this, not wanting to be proud and arrogant but you'll see some qualities that he shares that have been inherited to me. They believe I look like him, but they believe I act like him too, but he never ponders on things and shows his frown like I do, I wish I had that, he finds joy in the hard times.

He's struggled so much in his life and he has a lot because of me, but just like my mum, just like God, they and he love me unconditionally and forgive me everytime. When I went through losing people through deaths, heart break from ex-girlfriends, my injuries, my problems and addictions and my car accident he was there. Always had to bring me to the places he'd know I'd party hard and it hurt him, but he knew I had to learn for myself and when I got my license, I'm thinking that he feared for me as much as my mother did. They'd stay awake every night when they knew I'd be drinking and I'd have my car. Then that night their worse fears had come. I put my parents through so much and this was the biggest of all disappointments I'm guessing to them, that night I crashed my car. But my dads helped me get through it all both of them did the one here on Earth, and the one up in heaven. I would never have made it without them. I wouldn't trade him for any other dad, and I'm glad and proud to have inherited some of his greatest attributes.

As a kid I thought he was the Terminator, big and strong and nothing could destroy him. Nothing has. And to me, he'll live forever, cause my Mum needs him and so does this world.

He'll probably never read this, but Happy Father's Day, Dad! I love you.

But you can see it, can't you?

Still gasping for air as I approach the light at the very end of the tunnel. Blood, sweat and tears had been shed, throughout the duration of this hard fought battle that I devoured myself into. Finally the end was near. Finally the light began to brighten and light up my face. My smile had returned and my heart was beating faster and harder than it has ever beated before. One moment had found it's downfall.
All of a sudden an old cranky man had appeared before me striking out the words, "You must continue for another two years, pay up a little more of your riches."
My body clock stopped. Everything stood still before me and the old cranky man had disappeared. Life was supposed to be liberating but, a strong wind had pushed me back to the very start once more. From where I was, the light that once looked promising looked to be the size of a small dot from a very, very far distance. I gazed at my surroundings, once more the same darkness clothed me. "Not again." I speak out to myself. But I understood this time, it'd be easier to get back because I knew what I had to do and I knew how to find that light. For it was right in front of me. The dangers that lurked. The hurt that crushed. This, would be easier to overcome. The battle now was the time it'd take. First thing was first, to gather up my riches and pay off what I had to, but with what riches. I had nothing.
I sleep, I eat, I sit, I write, I sing but I stopped walking again, Why? Satan played with my mind, starting again crushed my soul and She, caused my heart to feel love though another attempt at something I desire but will never have.
The tunnel I stood inside of disappears, and I land in a hot and dry desert. I am thirsty now, I'm tired and I'm sick. I'm deprived, I've had enough, I'm aching. Where are the promises of this paradise, show it to me God. I want to see the greenest grass, I want to see big trees bear good fruit, I want to see people laugh and be jubilant and free, I want to join them. This paradise is now in my view, I run towards it, I ran like I've never ran before only to see that it's a mirage, it was nothing more than sand. I stand there looking up at the skies. Quicksand was where I stood now, grabbing me by my weak ankles. I yell out at the top of my lungs with such desperation and need to the one above, "Pull me out God, please. I surrender. I surrender."

Innocence and Freedom

It's nearing to the end. Three months ago I was this young man full of regret and shame stuck in his bedroom with the blinds closed and the lights turned off, listening to the most depressing-est of songs and feeling completely sorry for himself. Three months later, I'm stronger than I was before. Because of what happened those months ago, it has taught me to be a better and a stronger person where when trials come my way I can easily defeat it with God and my mind set and my heart. I've tackled addictions, fractured muscles, break ups, unexpected deaths, verbal and physical fights, and I believe the next battle that comes along will be easier to face. This week will be the end of feeling restricted and scared and this week will open up a more free feeling that I've been longing for, for the last couple of months. Though it's not promised that hardships will all of a sudden end, I instead embrace them and find joy in it rather than crawl back into my shell that I've been comfortable and used to in the past.

I remember my first blog post about wishing I could talk to my former self in a younger and pure form to tell that younger form of myself the dangers and heartbreak that are ahead in life. Instead I'd like to tell my former self to get ready for happiness and joy and to find it even in the hardest of times. Yesterday, my baby girl cousin that was recently born was being held by yours truly and it was the first time I've ever held a baby that had just been born. It was a scary thought having to hold something so precious, fragile, innocent and pure. A little, baby girl that's never known about the harshness of this world. I myself know I've been through a lot in my life in my 20 years, but my little cousin has barely been through anything at all, it made me feel happy.

There's a scene in the most recent One Tree Hill episode in Season 6, Episode 24: Remember me as a Time of Day, where Dan met with Peyton who was holding her and Lucas' newly born daughter Sawyer. Dan who is Lucas' father asked Peyton if he could hold his granddaughter. Peyton darted quickly with a straight No but then thought about it and questioned Dan asking Why? Dan then replied, "Because she's the only one in my world that doesn't know what I've done." And Dan now was known for killing his brother Keith. I'm not saying that what I've done is as bad as what Dan did, but it made me feel that way for a while when I was holding my baby cousin. To feel innocent and free is harder to work for then it was when you were a baby. To able to hold onto something so precious, fragile, innocent and pure was Dan's hope that there was goodness and light in his dark world. There's still hope for everyone and anyone to be better than they were and that's a very overwhelming thought.

So a lesson learnt, just because you aren't a baby anymore doesn't mean you can't be reborn into a new creation, that's innocent, precious and pure. Everyone gets a second chance when it comes to God, sometimes we even get our ninty nineth chance but that's a story for another day.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Proverbs 3:5-6
TRUST in the Lord, with all of your heart and lean not on your own understandings but acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths.

For the last couple of weeks I've been living by this bible verse. I believe that it's the hardest thing trying something that you're not used too. It's such a restricting and uncomfortable feeling. But I guess that's what a new creation is all about, that's the beauty of change. I believe that everything that's happened lately has gotten me to realise that relying on my own strengths and my own understandings is a path for self destruction and disappointment and same goes for relying on other people around you. I believe that, it's something that I've been struggling with for a very long time. I've been so used to approaching other people with my problems or trying my hardest to defeat things on my own that it's become normal to me. But what I found was, disappointments. It's always difficult facing the fact that your love ones can't always be there for you. But it's a very selfish thought thinking that they can. When the ones who love you disappoint you, it brings you to loneliness and thoughts of negativity therefore you try to rely on your own strength, but like I said when you fail in your temptation or problem, self destruction comes walking in. The simple truth is that, God can provide all of our needs if we trust and believe that He will provide all of our needs. For the last few weeks, when things have come up with incidents that connect with my car accident, I've forgotten everything around me and I've learnt to just talk to God about everything. But my biggest fear is that it may isolate me from other people now, and as emotional as it sounds, I'm afraid of being disappointed, but I know that My God will never forsake me and that he'll always be there when I need Him. And basically, He is all that I need to get me through the hardest and darkest of times.

Careless mistake

Verse One:
Tonight, it starts to change
I re-arrange, my thoughts and actions
And once again, I see the light
It's calling out to me
This very moment
A careless mistake
Changes a life

Pre-Chorus
You don't have to remind me
It's always on my mind.

CHORUS:
And I'm just fine
Living life like this
I can't get back
The moments that I missed
It won't go, just fall asleep
I'm drifting away, I'm into deep
I'm just fine
This world was never mine

Verse Two:
Haunting, all of my dreams
I start to scream, I cry as well
It's my hell, the fire tickle me slowly
Move in worry, and fear
The devil lurks, but the spirit moves him away
Come back another day

Pre-Chorus
Stand in my shoes
See how well you do

CHORUS:
And I'm, just, fine
Living life like this
I can't get back
The moments that I missed
It, won't go, just fall asleep
I'm drifting, away, I'm into deep
I'm just fine
This world was never mine

BRIDGE:
I see judgmental eyes
I hear their mouthful of lies
They don't hear my cries
For my tears just dry
C'mon just give it a try
Forget don't regret

CHORUS:
And I'm, just, fine
Living life like this
I can't get back
The moments that I missed
It, won't go, just fall asleep
I'm drifting, away, I'm into deep
I'm just fine
I'm just fine

Outro:
This world was never mine
This world was never kind
Myself I got to find
This moment, changed my life.



Careless mistake, it definitely was. I wasn't thinking at the time of my car accident. I don't really like to talk much about it but it revolves around everything that I do in my life now. When I have to take public transport home from work, or when people have to bring me to places like church, youth group and band practice and social events, or having to watch what I do at party's, bars, clubs and lounges. I also started trying to play the guitar and I played this tune that sounded real depressing so I wanted to write a song about the struggles I've been going through lately.

This song is pretty self-explanatory but just to break it up a little. Verse One is basically about me sitting in the car after it happened knowing that everything was about to change in my life. Verse Two is about what's been happening, I can't escape that night because it consumes me and it drives me crazy. The Pre-chourses, is sort of telling people that I don't need to be reminded of what I done because it kills me everyday. The CHORUS is about me trying to be strong through it all, knowing that now I'm not ontop of the world and that it was never mine to begin with. The BRIDGE 'I see judgmental eyes' I see the way people looked at me when they found out about what I did and it hurt. 'I hear their mouthful of lies' basically to me it's meant to mean the people who still put me down while I'm trying to get back to my feet. 'They don't hear my cries, for my tears just dry' just because until now, I never liked announcing and declaring these feelings I have. But yeah 'C'mon give it a try, forget don't regret'. It's me finally letting it out.

Guess it's just a chance for the world to see. Don't wait until it gets to this point where you need to live with your mistakes and your burdens before you realise that you NEED God. No matter if you're happy but you feel empty or if you do feel that disconnection of God, make sure you seek God during the moments of emptiness and disconnection, for Life without God, is a Life with Satan. But of course no matter the circumstances, good or bad always seek God in everything you do.

You CAN'T Run and You CAN'T Hide.

It's a diversion, a coping mechanism that we play out in our minds and in our actions. Why do we deny, lie and avoid reality? Why do we escape and run away? Why are we so afraid? If we are, what are we really scared of? The future? What that person might say or how they might react? or is about how you'll be stereotyped and perceived perhaps?

We run away from what we have to do or say. But why can't we just do what we have to do and say what we have to say?
The world's coming to an end very soon. What's going to happen when you realise that what you should have done and what you should have said, is too late now?
Why should it matter what anyone says about you? Do we still not understand that when the time comes they won't be judging you on that faithful day. But that, God will?

We sometimes try to escape and deny who we really are, until it comes to the point where we don't even know who we really are anymore. We become lost. We lose our focus and our goals, for we've lived in denial and in a lie for too long. We've run so far ahead that we don't even know how to get back through the jungles and forrests and obstacles that we have passed. We left no tracks behind for we brought the things we deny and our lies with us while we ran away.

Why can't we face the music instead of dodging passed every problem. Don't we know that once we've faced a battle that we become stronger than we were before it? If we faced the music and faced the battle, we wouldn't lose our identities, but instead, we'd gain control, direction and wisdom from God. But of course, our negative minds causes us to fear the problem and fear the outcome.

Once we accept what's in front of us, we can move on and defeat it, with God's strength, wisdom and might. Don't escape then feel trapped. There's no point to it. We must stop relying on our own understandings and other people.
Why be afraid? Do we still not understand that God has always been with us since the very beginning and that he'll be with us until the very end, through our fears, problems and everything we do in our lives?

WATCH! LISTEN!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTcCMf3F85c

Conversations between Negativity and Positivity

Okay, this is going to seem weird and pretty much psycho but this is how the everyday mind works, there's always evil in your mind speaking to you, to be tempted into sin. But there's you who makes it stop. It's your faith that helps you stay away from the temptation.

This is just my interpretation of it all.



CONVERSATIONS between Negativity and Positivity
Scene: The Mind

Positivity (My thoughts) is alone for now, talking about how his life is going and how he is feeling, until Negativity (The Devil) suddenly appears before him. There's a large wooden table keeping them apart from each other. There are glass windows in their surroundings and the ground is dark, dirty and old.

NEGATIVITY:
Now enter into his thoughts and his mind, get a closer look, Attack it! Tempt him!

POSITIVITY:
I'm fine now, I've always been fine. I'm good and I've always been good. No weapon formed against me can defeat me. I'm made of steal. I've defeated vices and addictions. I've defeated lust before, I've defeated the sight of evil and evil itself. I've conquered fear and depression. I'm new, I don't care about my past, I'm looking onto the future. Being alcohol free, drug free, where my eyes can see beauty rather than pleasure. I'm positive now, I don't need you negativity.

NEGATIVITY:
Don't speak such lies. Aren't you supposed to be saying that God helped you through all that, seems like you're relying on your own strength again Positivity. It's cool to be Positive, Positivity, but, there's such a thing as being too Positive. Isn't Arrogance a sin? Aren't you supposed to be good now? Seems like you enjoyed your life with me more.
Tell me positivity, why do you still get so frustrated? How come you ask yourself everyday, "Who Am I?" Don't you know who you are it's been 20 years! Don't you miss me? Don't you miss your freedom? Creating havoc and unleashing Hell!

POSITIVITY:
I don't miss that! Leave me alone! Get out of my mind! I don't need this! Listen here!
I've lived in the light and did good deeds for many years, 14 years to be exact. I've followed God before and I still do now. I do thank him for helping me okay! So be quiet! I've let him come into my life and change me to make me innocent and pure. I've been on fire for God and he has used me as his instrument, as his voice, as his hands and feet and I have never looked back, I rejoice everyday. I looked down on YOU, I would walk passed him and not even glance at the piece of dirt we know as the devil. If my God is with me, who could ever be against me? You, Satan? You couldn't even defeat my God! No one can, no man in this universe and even outside the realms of the spiritual world can defeat MY God!

NEGATIVITY:
But, Positivity, within those 14 years how many times were you classified to be perfect. We aren't perfect! I mean, how many times did you sin in those 14 years? You're even counting the years you were an infant. No infant has thoughts of impurity, no infant can pick up a gun and shoot it, that doesn't count! But answer me this, didn't you use the same voice to swear when you were 12 years old and haven't you continued that to this day? Didn't you use your hands to punch and steal! Oh and touch yourself somewhere nice. Didn't you use your feet to come running to me over and over again! You lived in my world and it's what you still breathe! Don't think you can leave my world! It's yours! It's your past so it's apart of you now! Don't you miss it? Don't you miss the taste of bourbon, don't you miss the taste of that plant, don't you just wish you could look at a girl in a different way again, other than just her beautiful smile and the green in her eyes? Don't you miss it Positivity!

POSITIVITY:
Of course I do, but that was the world I was prepared to leave behind. Stop crawling back, Negativity! I admit, I've sinned through out the days I was living for God, so you're right I'm not perfect! You're right I have to live with the fact that those dark days are apart of me now! I just want people to understand, I've lost my way for I've lived in the dark for so long. I need people to help me, I need My God to help me, I can't do it on my own. Yes, yes my frustration gets the best of me, of course I miss getting drunk and stoned, but they were my sins, they consumed me, I was addicted, but not anymore! I'm new! I'm new! Leave, I don't want to talk anymore, it hurts as it is, trying to be someone new. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Let go. Let go of that world. I had fun. It was a habit. I was used to it. I was comfortable. Now I don't feel so comfortable. I try to live by my name 'Positivity!', but Negativity, you still get the best of me. But, I'll keep fighting!

NEGATIVITY:
Seriously Positivity, just get over it! Stop whinging! Come back! It's more fun here! Right? Don't you miss being angry! Don't you miss being that monster I turned you into! Remember me! Remember the fun we had! Look at you! You're still hiding behind your emotions! You never show your REAL emotions, there's always a hidden agenda with you! Come back! I mean look how annoying and confused you've become! You look so uncomfortable! You look so out of place! Do you really think you can last another 3 weeks without alcohol and marijuana, do you really think that? You're own friends say that you won't! So tell me, what makes you think you will? You don't have the best friends, they don't really like you, they just feel sorry for you, they have sympathy. Even your own parents and your siblings are ashamed of you. You'll never change! To be honest, Positivity, you bring more harm to others when you're like this. This good version. It disgusts me to see you like this! C'mon Positivity! You've lost more friends than you've gained lately. Speaking of gaining, since you've been quitting your addictions all you ever do is eat now. How's that good for you, Positivity? Getting fat, how are you going to get girls? They don't like fat people! Still jealous that half of your friends got the girls that you were into in the past? Don't cry now. Don't think about that girl like you are now! She's the reason you entered the world I live in, we lived in. Why else did you enter this world? You wanted to be accepted didn't you? How will you be accepted now? They don't even know where you stand anymore. They don't know who you are! You're lost, confused and scared! I mean you don't even know who you are yourself! Come back! It's better here. It's darker. No one sees you. Just the way you like it Positivity. Your insecurities come to life now, they can see it, just like your paranoia. They see your fear, they see it. Come back, I'll hide that for you.

POSITIVITY:
I don't care what you say, I'm not returning. I might have lost a lot of things, but it's been worth it. I've been able to smile without alcohol or drugs. I've managed to forget that girl now. I deal with confrontations better, I don't yell, I talk nicely now. My friends are proud of me and so is my family. They can see the change! They believe the change! I believe in God, and I believe he can help me. I don't care what you say, you don't rule over me anymore! You won't get the best of me anymore! You will die, and you will be nothing! You've always been nothing. The past might be apart of me, but it's behind me now Negativity! You must be shut down, and never restarted! This transition from being bad to good, it might be hard, it might make me want to give up, but am I? No! I've gotten this far, I'm not turning back now. I love this new me, and when time goes by, I will be better. I'll be taller, stronger and better than before. My God will conquer you and defeat you just like he conquers and defeats anything negative or evil in this world. This will be your end, this will be my beginning.

NEGATIVITY:
I'll still be around, whenever you want me to come back. When you begin to miss the fun your missing out on. Remember me! Remember me Positivity! I made you! I shaped you! Me! I created this! Mark my words Positivity! This goal you have to be new, it is going to destroy you! Trust me! Come back, it's liberating here! Look at you, you're restricted, don't you miss being a rebel. Come back! Come back! COME BACK!

POSITIVITY:
Thank you, Negativity. Really, I thank you for making me see both sides, I like this side better, I have something I didn't have last time. And you wanna know what that is? God.
Enjoy your world! For i'm sick of that world. I've had my fun, but it's about time it stops, this cycle of going back and forth it stops. You taking over it stops! The monster you created, it stops. You don't own me anymore. My God does, he always has, always will.
It's come to this, I'm afraid, Goodbye! LEAVE at once!

Negativity disappears for now. But how long will it take until Negativity returns again.

Quotes and Dates to Remember

FAVOURITE QUOTES:

"When I couldn't race anymore, I thought it was all over, but then the Sun rose the next day and the Earth kept spinning, from that moment, I knew, I was going to be okay..." - One Tree Hill

"It's not what you've done that matters, what matters is who you are." - One Tree Hill

"When you think you've got NOTHING, God is up to SOMETHING."

"Time heals all wounds, but God manages to heal them faster."

"If you keep looking at what's behind you, you might miss out on what's right in front of you."

"Every song ends, but is that a reason not to enjoy the music?" - One Tree Hill

"When you think no ones looking, when you're doing something bad, remember, God is everywhere so he's always watching."

"Be POSITIVE!"

"I rather be hated for who I am, than be loved for who I'm not."

"Smile, it might just make someone's day better."

"EVERYTHING, happens for a reason."

"Satan has always been the enemy, remember that."

"Wait for her, rather then looking for her, in the end it's so much better."

"Fully Rely On God."

"Don't forget the people you knew and don't forget the people you know now, they've all played an important part in creating the person you are now."

"We're all different, no one's exactly like you, that's the beauty of being unique."

"Confidence, Cohen!" - The OC

"It doesn't matter how much times you fall, it only matters how much times you get back up."

"People Always Leave." - "Sometimes, they come back." - One Tree Hill

Psalms 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."


Important dates:
December 16th, 2002: Going to the Philippines after not going for 8 years.
December 15th, 2003: The Day I met Her.
February 14th, 2004: Having my first Valentine.
May 30th, 2004: The end of my 6 month relationship.
November 8th, 2005: My friend passing away.
February 15th, 2006: Surprise 17th birthday.
September 3rd, 2006: The first time I surrendered everything to God.
October, 2006: Graduated from High school.
July, 2007: First Hillsong Conference.
December 27th, 2008: Mark of my first long distance relationship.
April 18th, 2009: First injury on my ankle.
May 30th, 2009: First time being in a police car, police station and car accident.
June 1st, 2009: Where life really begun again.

Throughout all these happy and sad moments in my life, my favourite quotes helped me through it all, hopefully it helps you as well. Stay close to GOD, your family and your friends, for the things they say really do matter as well. Be POSITIVE!


Until next time, PEACE!

It's a Gift. Be Thankful.

TIME FACTS:
One Minute: 60 seconds
One Hour: 3600 seconds
One Day: 86,400 seconds
One Week: 604, 800 seconds
One Month: 2 629 743.83 seconds
One Year: 31, 556, 926 seconds

There are Thirty One Million, Five Hundred and Fifty Six Thousand, Nine Hundred and Twenty Six seconds in one whole year. Times it by your age and see the number and think, how much time you had. I'm 20 so my result is 631 138 519 seconds.
I was just thinking, God gave us the gift of Life, Time, Love, Emotions, Family, Friends, Money, and we as humans take advantage of it. We take all these things for granted and one thing we take for granted which I am very deeply ashamed of is Our GOD.

LIFE
It gets complicated sometimes. It becomes hard for us to overcome and accept at times. It's God's biggest and greatest things that he has ever given us. We don't hold our lives in our hands, it's god that holds our lives in HIS hands. People take lives and people take their own lives. People believe that they have the right to shoot, stab and murder someone or themselves, but our lives are borrowed. This life is meant to be our test for the real world which is Eternal life. Whatever we do in this life, reflects on how and where we're going to be when this life ends. We take this life for granted so much. It was a present, be thankful to God.

TIME
Just like the beginning of this blog post, there are Thirty One Million, Five Hundred and Fifty Six Thousand, Nine Hundred and Twenty Six seconds in one whole year. That's a huge number. but to think, when I actually times that number by my age and I saw the result, I was simply amazed. Within those 20 years, within those 631 138 519 seconds, I sometimes think, I probably wasted nearly half of that result. By drinking, partying, having fun, rebelling against my parents, with relationships with girls, with making all these regretful mistakes, within all my sins and the bad things I did, I wasted a lot of my life. But of course the other half of that result was wasted on, having fun with friends, those meaningful conversations face to face, on the phone, or on MSN. It was those long drives and the get away locations I went to, or those holiday trips to the Philippines, that made me smile and those memories, those happy memories that was worth something. But overall I'd say, I wouldn't have spent that much time with God, the one who made time and gave time. We're so busy with our schedules and sometimes we're not even doing anything and we still forget about spending time with God. We leave him to the last second sometimes. But God deserves the best, he deserves to be apart of our lives during the busiest times and during the times where we're just relaxing. Have we spent time with God and thanked him for the time we have been given? I must admit I've taken advantage of it.

FAMILY and FRIENDS
We've never chosen our family, and some may say we choose our friends, but I believe that God has a say in who we're friends with. God brings you to a place to live and you meet people who live around you. I live in Victoria. Like say I lived in Queensland, I would have never met the people I know now in Victoria. God plans who you know and meet every single day of your life. They play their role as a father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunty, cousin and friend, they love us, take care of us and they would do absolutely anything for us. But to think, how much time, did I actually spent with my family when I became a teenager. When we become teenagers we drift away from them and begin to rebel against our parents, it's human nature. But in the past, I believed that it wasn't cool to hang with your family. I believed it so much, that I didn't care what they thought, and I spent minimal time with them and I spent most of my teenage life disappointing them. My actions and words when I was drunk, made my friends dislike me, I was turned into a monster. I have no one else to blame but me. God gave us family and friends to help shape us and mold us, he even uses our family and friends to speak to us. But yet again I admit overall, I took advantage of my family and my friends. It was my present, why wasn't I thankful?

LOVE and EMOTIONS
Everyone wants to be in love these days, well actually, everyone used to, and everyone still wants to fall in love I should say. We waste our time trying to find that person that we want to be with. We waste our time trying to seek that love, that feeling, that emotion. Sometimes, when we have that person we love, we love them so much that our world evolves around them. That we put them higher and above everyone. In a past experience of mine, I even put that person above God. I'm afraid when that happens, when you put anyone above God, God is a jealous God and he has the power to take that person away from you. No one should be put above God, for he is the highest of highest! Why do we spend our time worrying about love? It's because we don't want to be lonely. It's our fear sometimes. Even the words I love you have been taken for granted, we've said it too much that those words sometimes don't mean anything just like the word sorry. It's such a battle we talk about the opposite sex so much that we forget about what's really important. Taking Love for granted? That's like taking God for granted, for God is Love.

MONEY
How much time do we spend worrying about Money? We need to pay the bills! We need to buy supplies, food, clothes, shelter. How many times have we gone on shopping sprees and bought things that we barely even need. Money is such a core driven object in this world that it's consumed us so severely. It becomes an Idol, a God to some people, it becomes such a focus that we begin to gamble for it. To get what we want, sometimes we need money, but all the topics above, Life, Time, Family, Friends, Love these are the things that come for free, why worry about Money. Have faith that God will meet your needs! He will grant you with what you need, if you really need it. We take advantage of money so much. I mean, world poverty is still going on right now. There's so many rich people out there in the world that are so greedy that they can't even give a cent or a dollar to the people who need it. Just so even that one little kid, could enjoy a proper meal that some of us would call an entree.

GOD
Last but not least, GOD. The God that gave us all these things. Our lives we live, our time, our family and friends and the gift of Love. These are all gifts from God and it has been taken advantage of ever since we had it. We should be thanking God every single day that we're still breathing and that we have our lives and that we have time. We should be thanking God every single day that we've been given a family and friends to talk to, share things with and love and accept and appreciate. We should be thankful for the gifts God gives us, because if it takes hold of us, God has the power to take that away from us. God gave it and he can take it back, because he is GOD. My older brother made me realise, just imagine you didn't have all these things, Family and Friends, it is then you'd know how it would truly feel to be lonely. My car accident made me realise, if I didn't take my life for granted by drowning my sorrow with alcohol, that accident would never have happened. That night, God granted me a second chance. I don't even think that I deserve that chance, after all the time I wasted. But our God is understanding, our God is full of second chances until to the thousandth time you ask for forgiveness, our God watches over us and cares for us and most of all God loves us. If he didn't, he'd abandon you and you'd have nothing in this world, nothing at all.

Sometimes, we feel like we've hit rock bottom, we feel like nothing is going right, how many times have we sulked about that. I just broke up with my ex-partner, I just lost a lot of money, my parents just grounded me, me and my friend just had a huge argument, and the list goes on. We always have excuses, we always have problems, but what I learnt is, within our trials and tests, we should be looking towards God to pull us out of it. The reason why bad things happen to us, is because God is trying to tell us that we need to call out to him to help us. Sometimes God breaks us to make us whole again.

We've passed time, like it was nothing, we've forgotten to say how much we love our parents and our families, we've forgotten to say that what you are doing is wrong to our friends from the fear of hurting them, we have spent and spent when there's people in the world who don't even know how money looks like or how it feels to be full and satisfied! When problems come our way we forget there's a God that can overcome everything! He conquered death, made the blind see, stopped and calmed storms, he casted away demons, do you really think what you're going through is something he cannot stop?

This life is meant to be our test for the real world which is Eternal life. Whatever we do in this life, reflects on how and where we're going to be when this life ends. We take this life for granted so much. It was a present, it IS a present, be thankful to God, he deserves it after EVERYTHING he has done for us.

This is our God and he deserves our best and not our second efforts.

PEACE!

Having a Relationship with GOD!

Yes! Finally awake! Satisified with my sleep and back on here to address the Blogspot World yet again! How exciting! Let's Do it!

This afternoon, I wanted to talk about my struggles with Christianity and having a solid relationship with God. I've been properly trying since Year 12 back in 2006 to get this right but, unfortunately, I found, we're never going to get it right or perfect the art of Christianity. Well basically because, Christianity wasn't meant to be easy, it wasn't meant to be an art or something you could perfect also a relationship with God is like any relationship with a friend or family member, you're going to have your ups and downs, hard part is that, we always fail and God stays true and faithful to us always. But it's the matter of continuing to attempt and try and to be positive and never give up. Best lesson I ever learnt was that, when you fail then give your life back to God, the next time you fail, you won't fall down as far as you did the time before. You just got to keep trying! Don't give up! Be positive!

Oh and just to add,
Technically, Christianity and having a relationship with God aren't the same thing, Christianity is known to be a religion to the world, but to Christian's Christianity isn't a religion but a relationship with God.

Back in Year 12 on September 3rd, 2006, I felt like I gave my life back to God that night during a Planetshakers Conference, Reggie Dabbs a great inspiring pastor was preaching directly about our emotions of being broken and worthless and pin pointed my sins and struggles that night which made me reach out and look upon the face of God for redemption. After two weeks, that flame died and I was back to my normal self. Taking in different substances and hazardful liquids, swearing like it was my 2nd language, rebelling against my parents and the list goes on, bottom line is, I was back to where I was in the matter of two weeks. Sound familiar to anyone?

It always happens to us, we find it so hard to adapt to a new life because we've lived a so-called unrighteous life for too long that being new and well righteous seems like a different and harder battle. I found at the time, that I rather have had other people as my opponents than having to fight myself.

What I mean by this is? It was so much easier to poison other peoples hearts by my actions and words, and being my bad self, then trying to be good because when we've given our lives back to God and surrended everything to him, there's a spiritual battle going on in our hearts, Satan and God are in the middle of fighting for your soul and it's not everyone else suffering, it's just you.
How selfish! But that's how I used to think. I was looking out for number one and I failed.
Another thing is, I found that I didn't even try to begin a relationship with God, I mean I never closed my eyes and talked to him in prayer, I never opened up my bible to meditate on his word and basically I didn't do anything to build that relationship with Him.
There's a sermon I listened to one time that talked about giving your life to God during an altar call. This man dubbed it to be an emotion that you felt for one night. During that night we feel the music of the band playing, we feel the atmosphere of where we are, but it's just an emotion that you felt for that one night. You made the promise to change, but after that night you'd be back to where you were in the beginning, that's not always the case, but it is to the ones who don't try after making that promise to God.
God can't reach out to you unless you let him but it's a two way thing just like any relationship you have to reach out to him if you want your relationship with God to work.

But just this year, my way of thinking changed. After my car accident, I decided to develop that relationship with God again. But after I surrended everything to him, it was then that I realised everything at the beginning of this blog post, I never really tried all those times that I gave my life back to God. So I wanted to try it out. I pray every night, I just sit there praying for confession, thanksgiving and the things that I think I'm in need of and for the world and I talk to God about how life is for me at the moment, I try to read the bible now, it's our sword of life, it's our Basic.Instructions.Before.Leaving.Earth. It's so important! I mean, this is the way God replies to our prayers and needs. I even had my first real devotion with one of my good friends, if you feel awkward having a bible devotion on your own, seriously, it doesn't hurt to call someone up to help you. I even read a bible verse before I sing for praise and worship on Sunday mornings and I try to read a bible verse every single day. It really does help, because God will see and know that you're trying your best to wanting and having a relationship with Him.

So why does that flame go out after you've promised to give your life back to God, and after you've surrended everything to him, simple, we don't TRY to develop that relationship with GOD.

I mean, like I said in the beginning of this blog post, it's never easy, it's not an art that we can perfect. We're going to have our ups and downs just like any relationship here on Earth. I mean, sometimes the old Edsanity comes out to play, I get my anger outbursts, I may swear sometimes accidentally, I might still smoke cigarettes, but as long as your trying, and as long as you feel guilty about what you're doing, change is already on it's way. I mean, I was afraid that I wasn't changing because I kept having these slips and bumps along the way of trying to build on my relationship with God, but just like any relationship here on Earth, we're going to fail sometimes, it's just the matter of getting yourself back up. Like an old saying goes, "It doesn't matter how many times you fall, it only matters how many times you get back up."

Like, when you've been something for so long, when you've known a life dedicated to sin, and you make this extravagant change into trying to be someone innocent and sinless, trust me, it's hard, once again, it's God and Satan battling for my soul and my heart, but you know what, let Satan try, if God is with us, who could ever be against us? Right? Be positive! Learn to love, care, rejoice, do everything and anything to be positive and righteous, to people who thinks sins COOL, hate to say it but, that's like you're saying Satan's cool, and it's like your taking a stand that your following him. And if you think I'm uncool, cause I now live and breathe the word of God, well then I'm uncool, and I'm happy with that. Because when my life was with Satan, it led me to perish and death, NOW, with my life in God's hands, simple way to put it: MY LIFE is ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!



Until Next time!

Beautiful Past, Tragic Present

Beautiful Past, Tragic Present
An emotion which is so strong; no exact words could comprehend such pain and sorrow,
It was forecasted that it’d certainly be raining heavily tomorrow.
It’s the moment of an engulfing experience we only wished came to us in a dream formality,
We severely burn and suffocate from this harsh long lasting reality.
An old familiar wound being cut so deep within flesh that will never completely heal,
In the middle of the cold ravishing night, it spontaneously begins to steal.
It’s a tormenting effect that’s never ever recommended,
It brings forth destruction which destroys its righteous path, no longer to be mended.
It continues to break, repeatedly, until nothing is left but a million pieces of what was once beautifully created,
Its flesh among flesh, temptation erupts, no longer are they dedicated.
The story read out to me, shatters and teases and pulls me apart,
It’s what it done to my broken dark and soulless heart.
What turns this heart so dark and cold is the sight of beauty filled with something to be born,
Will it evolve into either an angel or a spawn.
A mistake that may turn into an object to bless,
For something so innocent and pure may clear the dirt and mess,
Where thoughts were never played out and false emotions pulled through
Now holy matrimony is inevitable, as the past stares back at you

Random thoughts on Love

Sorry about the long blogs, I'm a story writer so I can just keep going on and on, I apologize for that. It's the first month in winter and it's FREEZING here in Melbourne and we're definitely being hit with sicknesses. My friends from NSW came over and I found out, Melbourne has been declared, the Swine Flu State all around Australia. Pretty scary stuff.

Anyway, I sort of wanted to blog about the topic of LOVE. I've never really been a professional at it, I've never really known it's true purpose and meaning, but to me, love between a man and a woman, is something rare, something very special and just simply hard to find. But a lesson I've learnt about looking for LOVE, is simply, not to look, but to let it come chasing after you. Something unexpected and something that sweeps you off your feet and catches you by surprise, is an overwhelming feeling anyway and to know that it's love, just gives it that greater feeling.

A man who seeks such a thing has been stereotyped as weak and emotional. I've heard such things like a man isn't meant to have emotions. But I simply think, those people who think that, are walking like zombies on this Earth with no heart. They're the true emotionals of this world. I believe whether your male or female, your emotions were given to you to react to a certain matter that's happening in your life at that very time. To cry, to anger, to smile is normal.

Before I came to this realisation that we should let love come to us in God's perfect time,
This is how I used to feel ...
I've been kind of wondering where or when, that girl for me is going to appear. So many times I think, I could meet her today, or I could have already met her, or when I'm out and about on the streets or in the city, that she may be someone there, or she could be in a different state, country, or on the other side of the world, and I wouldn't have even met her yet. It's a weird feeling for me to express, but I know as humans we tend to come to that realisation and way of thought. We want to find our other half, we want to find joy, someone we can share something with, someone we can go out with, someone who can hang out with us, when we are going out to the movies or eating dinner with our friends and family. But isn't that the fun part, not knowing who she is, and not knowing where she is? Like a good friend of mine once said, "Just imagine she lived across the road from you, what's the fun in that?"
I truly believe that, if everything was handed to you on a silver platter, what's the point? But the thing is as humans we want everything now, but we're not prepared to fight for it or in this situation we're not prepared to wait for it. The waiting game is always the hardest whether your single or your in a relationship. But just like me, even though I'm waiting, sometimes I just want it now, but that all just comes down to your ability to be patient.

I remember feeling like I was in love once upon a time. Feeling like, nothing in the world can stop you feeling this way, or feeling like, whenever your around that someone, or talking to them that, nothing in your world around you matters at that time except for that someone, but I don't think that's love at all. Love should be shared and not placed all into one person. It's a dangerous thing Love, it can take over us and it can isolate us from the world, from our friends, from our families and sometimes we can put that person above God. Once that happens however, say goodbye to that person you so-called loved. God is a jealous God and he'll rid you of that honour.

For now I wait and I hope. But also most importantly, for now, I've gone back to my true first love and that's God. I believe before you find love and want to know love, you need to seek the one who created love and who is the grand symbol of love and that is God. I believe that we waste too much time waiting and hoping for that special someone to come though, when simply, like I said before, it's not a matter of looking, but it's a matter of love coming and chasing after you. If you want to find true love, go to the one who created it in the first place. Through God you will find that. I'll leave you with a bible verse that a man that I now look up to reminds me and others in my youth group of when he gets the chance too.

Psalms 37:4
"Seek your happiness in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

PEACE!

The Differences We Face

Well, that was pretty deep, for my first blog in my Blogging Career. Sorry, but it gets deeper.

Let's begin!

Every single person living and breathing in this world are different. From our personalities all the way to our race and colour. Simply, that’s just how it is, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
So many relatives, friends and strangers collide and clash because they can’t face the fact that we’re all created and built differently inwardly and outwardly. Life is totally built on a bunch of misunderstandings, cause a great way to describe humanity is that we’re misunderstood, lost, confused and scared. We’re so restricted, and we’re basically stuck, we’re living in a world where we’re right smack down in the middle of a spiritual battle between good and evil and God against Satan. Everyone’s taking their sides. God is trying to bring everyone together with Love, while Satan is trying to divide everyone with Hatred.

Who do you think is winning that battle?
It’s scary but Satan is definitely in the lead. The sin of this world has risen so far ahead that this world is known as the devil’s playground and this world is also referred to as ‘Hell on Earth’.
But, don’t worry in the darkest times, God is always there, it’s just that we sometimes ignore that.

So why is Satan winning this battle?
We live in a world where we’re so stubborn and prideful that we can only see our point of view and therefore we don’t even look towards our opposer. Sometimes our pride and stubborness can get in the way of us, it’s such a dangerous thing pride, it can defeat the purpose of friendship and family. I believe in an argument matter, that it’s respectful to understand both sides and not just our own.
Bottom line, it’s just unusual that, an argument can just ruin a relationship, it’s like, there was never one to begin with really, harsh but true.

But there’s other arguments where, race comes into play. It’s one of the most horrible things to witness. Being attacked for who you are and how and where you live. Basically it was God who made us and created us to be a certain race or a certain colour, it was his plan to make us live in a certain country and place, I don’t understand why people don’t see that, we’re different and that’s awesome and that if we were all the same, life would be so boring that way. Our imperfections make us unique. Where we lack abilities, other people fill in that void. It’s like a giant jigsaw puzzle where everything just fits. Why can’t we get along? While there’s evil in this world, we never will.

How can we overcome the differences?
We need to stick by our friends and our family and we just simply need to face the fact that we’re all different and built in our own unique way. It’s something I just learnt. We need to remember who we are and which of us have been beside us from day one. Something as little as an argument shouldn’t change that. Our world is so prideful, so negative, and put to ruins, but there’s people out there that shine like lights in this dark world. Those people are one step closer to peace on earth and they should definitely be noticed for that. I mean instead of caring about our differences, arguments, insults, and ourselves, shouldn’t we be concentrating on bigger issues such as world poverty, finding cures for major sicknesses and plagues, and just simply finding peace in this world.
A scary note. The world is coming to an end. What have we done in our lives? Has it just flashed by before us, has those 24 hours in that day been used to it’s full potential? There’s so many things going on around in our world, and we’re selfish, prideful and stubborn to notice that, we find ourselves stressing over small matters. Within the small, little moments in our lives, if we just helped each other out and saw beyond our differences, we'd realise that maybe, we’d be adding and playing our part in making this world a better place.

PEACE!

The Phoenix

In this exact point in time, there are approximately 6,786,928,134 people, roaming this world.

Every 13 seconds a human dies. Some lonely, depressed person out there probably wishes that upon themselves every single day, while some fear death so much that it consumes them and some just take it in and accept the fact that death will come for us, it’s just a matter of when.

For me, it could have been on May 30th, 2009. The day my whole world changed. The day the Smackdowneth was Layeth on me, where life gave me the Rock Bottom (Wrestling talk).
To this day it still haunts me, to this day, metaphorically speaking, I can't breathe, I hold my breath in from the trauma that is stuck like glue in my mind. My heart is a wrestling ring and my Past and my Present are fighting against each other. It's hard. As much as I try, I cannot erase this pain and this mistake.

That night I felt I died. But the next couple of days, I felt like I was reborn.

Every 7 seconds, a baby is born. Such joy it brings, a new life, a baby so innocent and so pure. With no knowledge about what life is, don’t we just wish we could be like that. Have a time where mistakes are just erased and we become clean once again. Or don't you wish you could tell that innocent, pure baby you once were, about what not to do or what not to say when they grow up. I already have a list of those things, that we form into regrets.

My present speaking to my past:
Don't fall for that girl, she'll eat you up and tear you apart for the rest of your days.
Don't pick up that first Winfield Red cigarette, by the time you get to my age you'd probably be a millionaire and you'd be more healthy.
Also don't pick up that bottle of beer or bourbon, one day you're going to sprain your ankle and it's going to take you out for 3 weeks out of work, oh and to add onto that, a couple weeks later, you'll get into a car crash that's going to turn your life upside down.
Don't lie and speak so ill about your parents, they sacrifice a lot for you, and don't ever think they never loved you, because they do with all their hearts.
Most importantly I'll say, take up your cross and follow God, it'll be the best thing that's ever happened to you.

But it's our regrets, it's our tests and trials and it's our experiences that shape who we become. Since we aren't able to talk to our past selves, in that pure baby form that we once were, we stand here, with the sole fact, that everything that has happened until this point in time, happened for a reason. At the end of the day, it's really our choice how we deal with our problems and our tests in life, some would think I'm stupid, but because of my experiences, I've learnt to find happiness in the darkest times.

If you find yourself, facing your giants and facing your obstacles, your reward will be so much greater than you could ever imagine. But if you find yourself running away from your obstacles and life tests, you'll find yourself being depressed, sad, using alcohol in the means to escape the harsh reality you've been placed, you'll feel sorry for yourself, you'll blame everyone except for yourself for everything you've done, if you live your life like this, one day you will crash and burn, just like I did. Literally.

I said goodbye to that person I was, and instead of looking at my past, I look at my future, your future is always brighter, it's your positivity, it's your prayers, it's your goals, it's the people in your life who create that brighter future, and it's God. Every question you ask, or every question you asked, God has, is and always will be the answer. You just have to believe in it.